Potato Not Included
by Devious Decepticon
Summary: Wheeljack makes some modifications to his new "My First Chemistry Set"; only HE could turn a child's toy into a lethal weapon...And perhaps he'd better learn to read the fine print on things from now on.


Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN TRANSFORMERS! Trust me, if I did, I'd be freakin' rich right about now. Unfortunately, that's not the case…I'm making absolutely NO money off this, so don't even start thinking it…

Dedication: This if for my wonderful artist friend, Becka! She's drawn me some awesome pictures, and written me some equally as awesome fanfics, so it's about stinkin' time I returned the favor! Second in a series of three gift fics…

Author's Note: The dedication pretty much sums everything up…NO FLAMES PLEASE! Constructive criticism/beta offers are always welcome, but being rude is not. If you want to be rude, then go do it somewhere else, please. Otherwise, I hope you all enjoy it, and don't forget to tell me what you think!

Potato Not Included

"Care-ful-ly…_care-ful-ly_…"

_BOOM!_

He heard her scream shrilly over the explosion, and slowly got up from his new position on the ground, where the force of it had knocked him onto his aft.

"Becka?!" called Wheeljack worriedly, stepping carefully to avoid squishing his friend like a tomato. "Becka, are you there?"

"Mmmarphle."

His sensitive audios didn't miss the muffled noise; cautiously, he sifted through some of the debris on the floor before her heard a gasp of air, and the disheveled girl haphazardly climbed from the wreckage, rubbing her blackened face with her equally as blackened hands, smearing the dirt on her face.

"Oh, thank Primus!" Poor Wheeljack looked as though he was about to have a panic attack at any moment, his faceplates twisted in concern behind his face mask. "Are you alright?"

He picked up the small, slightly singed, creature and set her carefully on what remained of his worktable. She coughed hoarsely as the smoke from the failed experiment wafted gently through the room, desperately trying to get a breath of fresh air.

"What the-" the female launched into another fit of coughing. "What the hell, 'Jack?"

"I don't know what could've gone wrong", he wrung his hands in confusion as he watched his friend dust herself off. "I followed the directions precisely."

Abandoning her efforts to clean up a bit, Becka bent down towards the end of the table, and picked up what looked to be the back half of a human-sized box. After carefully scrutinizing it for a few minutes, her frown deepened, and she turned back to the Autobot scientist, holding up the cardboard with one hand for him to see while the other hand was planted firmly on her hip.

"It says add the_ green_ to the _pink_, not the pink to the green."

After a moment of contemplation, Wheeljack laughed, his ear panels flashing merrily when he realized his mistake. "Oops. I suppose I was just a little overexcited about the kit-"

"And forgot to read the directions all the way through." She too joined in his laughter, playfully throwing the box at him and dropping to her seat on the table. "Well…I figure that's what I deserve for getting that kit for you."

The scientist grinned at her, and picked up the half of the box she threw at him. In bold white letters it read "My First Chemistry Kit", and pictured two children leaning avidly over the included plastic microscope. "What fun is citric acid?" he questioned amusedly, reading the contents of the box with bright optics.

"Only _you_ would 'upgrade' a kiddie chemistry set with hydrochloric acid," she snorted, resuming her quest for cleanliness once more as she continued brushing herself off. "I swear to god-"

"_What?! _Potato not included?!"

At last, the absurdity of the entire situation became too much, and Becka burst into another fit of laughter, the sight of an enormous Autobot freaking out over a potato, or lack thereof, too much for her maturity to handle.

"D-don't worry, 'Jack…" she managed to titter between her giggles, hands covering her reddened face. "We'll g-get our own."

Though not completely satisfied, Wheeljack was pacified enough to pick up his human friend and carry her off to Ratchet, just to be sure she wasn't actually injured.

"_How exactly am I going to explain this one?"_

He didn't have long to wait, however, because the medic had launched into a tirade as soon as he'd stepped into the medbay; the scientist tuned out his friend's ranting and raving, catching a few familiar phrases such as "You have to be more careful from now on!" and "You could have _really_ hurt yourself!" followed soon by the classic "What were you thinking?!" On and on went the shouting, and as time passed, Wheeljack began to grow bored, watching attentively as Becka wiped herself off with a damp rag that Ratchet had provided; she threw a particularly amused smile at him, one that clearly said, "Ha-ha, you got The Banana."

'The Banana' was now an official term used among the Autobots, thanks to Becka, and referred to the torture that was being forced to listen to one of the medic's classic rants. If you had something thrown at you, and it hit its mark (which it did 99.9 of the time), it would then be upgraded to 'The Big Banana'; needless to say, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker had received the most 'Big Bananas' of anyone else in the base, and weren't really too pleased with that fact-

"Wheeljack! Are you even listening to me?!"

The scientist jumped and looked guiltily up at the medic, who looked angry, but not furious.

"I'm sorry", he apologized meekly, lowering his head slightly as he waited for the shouting to resume one more.

Luckily for him, however, it didn't. Instead, Ratchet heaved a sigh, and looked down at his friend with a tired smile on his face. "Fortunately, Becka wasn't injured in whatever disaster happened in your lab." He kneeled down to the scientist. "What actually _happened_ in there?"

Slowly, Wheeljack extended the lid of the box forward, a sheepish smile playing across his face as the medic accepted the piece of cardboard. It took him a few minutes to look over the entire thing, but when he finally finished, he let loose a deep, amused chuckle.

"Hey Wheeljack! The potato's not included!"

* * *

Author's Note: Just so you guys know, "the banana" thing started a while ago when my friends and I saw some jackass from our school getting a ticket (aka: the banana), and from there on, we've just sorta run with it. I've always wanted to use that in a story! Okay guys you know what to do…press that shiny "Go" button…you know you want to! 


End file.
